Returning to Tell
by Tracy137
Summary: The Doctor has to go back and tell Jess what's happened to her favourite cousin..... One shot. Complete.


**_Disclaimer: I don't own Dr Who or any of its characters. The series is the property of the BBC. So there is no copyright infringement intended, nor do I intend to tick anyone off – so please don't sue me, I'm poor enough already! But I do own the story itself and the characters of Jess and non-Dr Who types…. :O)_**

**_This is my second Dr Who fanfic. It is based on the tenth doctor (David Tennant) and the starts after the end of the second series as well as my own (twisted) imagination! Its just a one-shot and I do not intend to rip off any other writer so if this premise has been done before I'm sorry, I just hope mine is different enough for it not to be too boring. But if I digress from the series too much don't shoot me as I'm old, and the brain (what little I have) is not what it used to be! LOL!_**

**_Although this is a one-shot it's a follow on from 'The Visit', my first doctor fic. Sort of a series of one-shots I think; might call them 'Alone..' (if I do any more)._**

_**If you've read any of my other stuff and liked it, hopefully you'll like this too.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

'—' _**signifies thoughts.**_

"—" **signifies speech.**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

ALONE: RETURNING TO TELL

The Doctor stepped out of the Tardis; grateful the old girl had paid attention, and brought him back to where he needed to be without fuss or confusion.

He couldn't think straight, hadn't been able to since it had happened; his own mind numbing grief had laid the way to a maddening and silent trip; well, after he'd offloaded his 'cargo'.

The irony was that Rose would have found it all so funny; being stuck with that maniacal woman – God, she said she'd was a runaway bride, but he reckoned the groom had actually legged it; after five minutes of her shrieking at him, he just wanted to kill her.

Thank God he'd been able to offload her expertly though – well, if you call landing on Umuzu 10 and then basically being able to run faster than her back to the Tardis. Who knew a long skirt would trip her up so well.

Still, he'd done her a favour; Umuzu 10 was well known for its good looking men, and they were deaf – so she'd find some idiot daft enough to take her on……probably. Aside from that it was a very nice planet, all blue sea and white sand; she'd love it…….probably.

So here he was returning to tell Jess that her most favourite relative, next to her much adored grandfather, was now dead too. That he had finally and monumentally got it wrong…..so very, _very_ wrong. He hadn't been able to save Rose, not this time; this time he'd miscalculated on a grand scale.

He looked round and realised the Tardis had planted them in the back garden of Jess' house. He wanted to hug the time machine for being so wonderful – he really couldn't have faced a walk, long or otherwise, as he hurt so much. Thinking, thinking was the worst of all; because then he'd remember he was all alone now, and then he'd think about Rose and then…….well, what happened then he didn't want to talk about.

He silently trooped up the garden and saw the sliding patio door was open. He only realised then how hot it was despite it being gone eight o'clock at night, and realised it must've been three months or so since the war; heard a fan going, her chatting to the dogs, telly on, muttering about her laptop being a bugger……………..both his hearts clenched at what he was about to do.

This was all just so _normal;_ that was why he'd ignored Rose the last time they were here. Hadn't told Jess the truth about himself and her grandfather; had left her with her sonic screwdriver, her Tardis, and her delusions that this tiny little cottage from the outside could easily be this cavernous home on the inside.

Yet here he was about to tear it all down, breaking her heart and destroying her identity; but then he couldn't _not_ tell her the truth now. He knew that with a horrible certainty.

He couldn't tell her her favourite cousin was gone, dead (in this world at least), _without_ it all coming out now; Rose wouldn't want lies anyway. She'd wanted Jess to know the truth, for him to have a connection somewhere; since their last visit she'd kept in regular contact with her cousin, encouraging him to chat with Jess whenever possible too. The two of them had got close; yet now….he broke his train of thought on purpose and sighed.

He walked in and Jess spotted him, her face lighting up "hey, front door too good for you now? I s'pose I got you to thank for me not being either dead or metal?" she smirked. But then she saw his face, the laughter in hers dying as she realised something was wrong; _very_ wrong.

Her confused gaze noted that Rose didn't seem to be there, and then settled back on the doctor "you alright?"

He didn't reply, just seemed to take a breath and hold it for a minute – kept swallowing like he was trying to speak or not cry or something. Her gaze wandered to the doors again "Where's our Rose?"

He still didn't answer and so her gaze travelled back to his and held it; and there she saw her worst nightmare come true, immediately her gaze swung to the doors once more as if wanting to be proved wrong – wanting to see Rose wander in grinning "alright couz?"

But she didn't, she _wasn't_ there and Jess felt as if all the air had been sucked out of her lungs with the pain that hit her. She sucked in a breath and let out a quiet "oh; oh no - Rosie."

Her eyes immediately filled, but no tears fell; the battle he witnessed waging within her – to keep some control of her grief, to rein in the tears, made his guilt and his own grief worse. He wanted her to scream at him, to rain blows on him in a futile attempt to show her anger and grief…….to blame him; the way he blamed himself.

Jess stared and then finally spoke "I" it came out hoarse and her mouth trembled with the effort of not crying, she cleared her throat and tried again "I better go make a cuppa yeah?"

It sounded so like Rose, with the questioning yes on the end, that the Doctor really thought he might cry too. He wondered absently how Rose would handle it if he'd been stood here trying to find the right words to say Jess had 'died' saving the world, but he knew even as he had the thought she'd be exactly the same as the woman before him.

He'd often wondered why Rose was nothing like her mother – he realised quickly on meeting Jess that she was the reason. Oh Jackie wasn't a bad mum; on the contrary, she really loved her daughter. But she also liked her 'me time', and Jess had been happy to baby-sit.

As Rose had got older and Jess had gone to live with her grandfather, she had become her younger cousin's fallback position. If Jackie really drove Rose nutty, she'd go to Jess for a bit. Rose had told him all this; how Jess had been like a surrogate mum most of her life, or at the very least a big sister - even though they were no blood relations.

"I…she's not dead." he offered hesitantly, following her into the kitchen "she got taken to the dimension Mickey was in….her and Jackie. But as far as this world's concerned she's……" he stopped not trusting himself to go on.

She turned then "not dead?" he nodded and she took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders "then she'll be alright. Stop now" she gestured to his face "she wouldn't wish it, _you_ know that as well as I do, right?"

He took a deep shuddering breath "Yeah…but…."

"It's hard – yeah I know." Jess smiled sympathetically "Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, read the book and seen the film ain't I?"

"But she was my….." he stopped "I….I should've done…"

"Nothing; I don't doubt for one second, not _one_ – that you didn't do all you could to keep her." She heaved a sigh "it's hard, but it was how it was meant to end up; I know you don't want to hear it…" her voice hitched and she swallowed "but it was."

Jess finally looked at the Doctor once more "sit down, before you fall down." She gestured to the seat he'd used before; she herself remained standing as they came back from the kitchen.

"You not sitting?"

"No, I need to pace." God she was like him, all Gallifreyans in truth; when angry, excited or upset they became animated, hyper almost, and had to keep moving.

She turned "tell me what happened……"

He did; briefly, painfully, he outlined how Rose had sacrificed herself to save the planet, universe in fact, from the cybermen; and, most importantly, the daleks.

She nodded "who the hell are the cybermen and the daleks?"

He sighed and explained, again briefly, the background behind the two species he considered enemies even more now than before "remember them things that people thought were ghosts?"

She nodded "I called them metal men, and the other ones were destructive dustbins." She shrugged and smiled slightly "Lame I know, but the little bit liked them. They were here too…..not here, here; outside. I knew there was no way my granddad would come back like that" she tilted her head up defiantly "I told it to sling its hook, that I didn't believe what it was pretending to be. But every day it came back – not in the house; for some reason it couldn't, but it was outside by the front door."

"What did you do when they materialised?"

"Grabbed my few mates and their families and we huddled in here until a loudhailer came over saying they were gone. I don't why they couldn't get in here, but they didn't." She shook her head "not very brave I know but…."

"But you kept people alive and away from those things….that _is_ brave Jess."

"What about you?"

He told her what he and Rose did; about Torchwood and why they wanted him. He hesitated before continuing in any detail about himself; only giving the most cursory of facts, but could see the light beginning to dawn on her as she was already filling the gaps he'd left her.

"So you're one of the one's who should've died?" he nodded "are you my granddad's friend?" He nodded again. She stopped, took a breath and carried on "He was like you then." It was a statement before she added "did Rose know?"

"Yes."

"Is that why she liked you to talk to me yourself after you left that last time?"

"Yes."

She smiled sadly "She loves you" she stopped and breathed deep "_loved_,she loved you very much. She never said" she shook her head, tears pooling "but _I_ knew; things she said about you, the tone of her voice when she said your name. She wanted you to be happy."

He gave a shaky smile "I'm not right now."

"No, you won't be for a while. I know that better than most – but then you've lost everyone haven't you, so you know that even more than I do yeah?"

"Yes…and no." he sighed "you're like me Jess. You're father wasn't joking when he said a lot of your granddad had skipped a generation and you'd got the lot. You have…..you got the Gallifreyan part of your family, your father and uncle got the human bits."

He looked round the room "that's why this old girl loves you so much, does what you want."

"What does Rose….what _did _Rosie think about it?"

"She said it explained a lot, like how mad you were." He smiled at the memory of their conversation after they'd left.

"She would." Jess stopped and took a breath "God I'm going to miss her." She looked at him then "I better take care of….the memorial….." her words trailed off at the look on his face. The tears spilled now, but only a few as she fought the pain that threatened to drown her "okay" another shaky breath "and we do it together, she'd want that."

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak right now. They might be stupid little apes, she might be only _part_ human – but it was times like now he realised why he battled so diligently to save these people time and again. "I think I'll always miss her."

She stood up ""you will, but one day you'll remember her and smile." She smiled herself "I bet she told you she loved you?"

"She did" he nodded and smiled a little but then sobered "I never got the chance to tell _her _though…"

"She knew – trust me, when the chips were down she knew. She'd never have followed your voice like that if she didn't know how you felt about her." She stood "could you give me a minute, got to check the little bit."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

He gave her five minutes before he followed her – she was sat on her bed, silent tears on her cheeks as she looked at a worn old photo in her hand.

As he walked round behind her, his throat tightened painfully as he saw who was in the picture – a white haired man grinning as he hugged a blond haired girl of about twenty-three who was obviously Jess, and a little girl of about ten who he could see was Rose; both the girls were grinning too. They all looked really happy…..he rested his hand on her shoulder.

"Just me left now – I shouldn't be sad, it's selfish to cry." She whispered.

"No, it's not. You miss them, I understand that." He walked around and sat down beside her "is that him, your granddad?"

"Yeah" she smiled and traced the face with a gentle finger "he was truly brilliant; he was everything I aspired to be."

The Doctor nodded "I remember, he always made me laugh – wasn't so grey though, fewer wrinkles too."

She smiled at the joke, but then her face crumpled and she began to cry quietly "I didn't want you to see me cry, you got enough on your plate."

He hugged her to him, tears welling in spite of his own control "it's good to cry…..washes the eyeballs."

"He….he used to say….that too" she hiccupped "I miss him, I miss her already and I know she's alright somewhere else; but its not here – I hate feeling this pain; I'm so tired of it." She continued to sob for a few minutes.

The a little voice piped up from the door "Mummy why you cryin'?"

The Doctor glanced round and came face to face with a little girl of about 8; he could hear Jess mumbling "oh God, I got to tell her too…."

He decided there was only so much torment this poor woman could take and so took it on himself to tell the child "Hello, I'm the Doctor."

"I know – you're her friend." She glanced at her mother and then back at him "is she sick?"

"No, no she's fine – she's just had a bit of a shock….."

"Are you here to make it go away?"

"I can't do that – your auntie Rose has gone to live….somewhere else and your mummy's sad."

Round blue eyes got rounder "is she dead?"

"Everyone here thinks she is, but she's just gone to live somewhere we can't visit."

"Like prison? No, we can visit that – another world?"

He smiled at that "yeah, another world; what's your name?"

"Thea, what's yours?"

"My name is_ really_ long, but starts with thea…." He trailed off as the light dawned "you're named after me aren't you?"

"No, I'm named after granddad's dead friend his name was theathotho…." She paused "I can't pronounce the rest."

He grinned "You're lovely, do you know that?"

She smiled "mummy says I'm a monster."

"Only a little one, I bet your brilliant the rest of the time."

"I invent things…."

"Really? Show me." Thea took his hand and led him into her bedroom.

Jess put the photo carefully to one side, dried her tears and followed; wanting to hug her daughter for being so wonderful.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Much later, when she was tucking Thea back into bed she asked her daughter a question that was nagging her "how did you know it was the doctor? You've never met him before, and what made you get up anyway?"

Thea's large blue eyes looked at her mother and then swung to the door where the doctor stood "she's not alone mummy, and neither are you and him – you got each other."

"Whose not alone pud?" Jess frowned.

"She isn't; she's got her mummy and daddy and friends too. I couldn't see her, but I heard her calling; saying you and the Doctor needed me to make you stop being sad." She patted her mother's hand comfortingly and smiled at the doctor "everyone's alone sometimes, but we've got each other now – she said so."

"Who told you though; grandma? Umm…Mrs Jenkins from down the road; you know they're both really dead right?" Jess was insistent and the Doctor stepped into the room frowning, both worried the rift wasn't closed and the cybermen were coming through again.

The little girl rolled on her side and sighed "she said she missed us but that she'll be alright, and so will we." She snuggled into her duvet "It was Auntie Rosie; she told me when she woke me up…….she said goodbye."

Jess wandered to the window, tears streaming down her face and looked up into the sky "bye Rosie" she whispered.

The Doctor merely murmured quietly "I love you."


End file.
